The 3 O's

Today is our sweet cousin Lorins birthday. I wrote this after he passed away from cancer.

He is truly an amazing person and will never be forgotten. We love you Lorin!

Cancer: That word has always been my worst nightmare. When I was 11, my dads beautiful cousin Monica was diagnosed with cancer. She was so fun and full of life but the cancer took her life. I remember staying up late at night, laying in bed being so scared that I had cancer too. I would think of all the things I would do and how my life would just end. I have always had a fear of doctors also. It always seemed like people were just fine, then as soon as they went to the doctor their health decreased and eventually they just passed on. I use to swear it was the doctors that had made them sick. I would think about how much I would suffer if my mom or dad even had cancer and that I could not possibly live without them. Then when I got married I worried about my husband. These thoughts have continued to give me fear until Lorin Merkley. I have known the Merkley family since I was probably 9 years old. They were always the cute boys in my ward that sang together in sacrament meeting and I would whisper to my mom, "Im going to make my boys do that, too." My senior year of high school I tried out for the play and actually got the lead role. Brandon and Lorin were in the play and all the girls just loved them. When I met Trent, I was happy to find out that his dad was LeAnns brother. This made me even more determined to marry him :) Lorin played the piano at my wedding dinner and he accampanied me at our family Christmas party. He is simply amazing. Looking back, Im not sure I even thanked him. I didnt give him a hug and tell him how much I appreciated him. I just always thought he would just be here. 3 months ago Lorin was diagnosed with cancer. When I found out I just tried to block it out. I tried not to think about it. When we saw him in the hospital I broke down. How could this happen to this amazing, talented, happy, obedient person? I cried for his mom and dad and his brothers who were going through this with him. LeAnn being the amazing person that she is was there to comfort me. Sheput her arm around me, looked at me and said, "He's ok. He's going to be ok." She then told me stories about Lorin that made me laugh and feel better. Here I was being comforted by his mother who day in and day out saw what he was going through. Lorin fought a hard fight. He passed away on Tuesday evening. He is ok now. I know that he is with our Heavenly Father. I am no longer scared. I see how strong his family has become through this. They have made it. I looked at LeAnn and Craig at the viewing on Saturday, yet again comforting those crying eyes that came through the line to look one last time at Lorins beautiful face. Knowing Lorin is in heaven makes it easier to not be scared of dying. He has come here and made his mark. This experience has made me no longer scared. I am not scared of dying. I am not scared of getting cancer. Miracles happen and although it was not the miracle we thought we wanted, it was a miracle nonetheless and I know there are many more to come.